10 Things Only Introverts Understand
In her best-selling book Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking, Susan Cain, a former Wall Street lawyer, explores the origins and scope of the cultural prejudice towards introverts in America. The author maintains that the cultural bias in the U.S. is so strong that many people view introversion as a pathology, as opposed to a normal manifestation of temperament or personality variation. She asserts that beginning as early as the first few years of school, introverted children learn that their type of personality is not desired in social settings, and only those who join group activities, actively participate in class, etc. get noticed and rewarded.
Additionally, Cain presents evidence gleaned from different studies that support her claim that many companies in the U.S. are looking to hire extroverts, assuming that they are better suited for the positions of leadership.Extroverts and introverts are essentially two different species, and you cannot just stop being one and become the other. Studies have shown that the difference between the two lies on a deeper genetic level, and manifests itself in early childhood through different neurological responses to external stimuli. That’s all there is to it. There is no one dominant or inherently superior personality type, as many erroneously have come to believe.
Our bias against introverts is particularly widespread online. Advice on how to be more extroverted, how to become more sociable, how to promote your introversion as a “positive” trait is abundant and extremely one-sided. Everyone is eager to help introverts, to teach them how to become a part of modern American culture. But how come only one side needs to change and learn to adapt? Why aren’t we helping extroverts to understand and accept that others have a different approach and different set of needs? Why is one considered “good” and one “bad”—isn’t there strength in both? The introvert sits in the meeting and watches everything that is going on. They don’t need to dive in and talk, so they pay more attention to what’s going on. As such, introverts may be more watchful and learn more with their observation skills.Refrain from applying labels. Labeling an introverted person as anti-social or disengaged is not helpful. When we label someone we limit them. Introverts don’t necessarily dislike other people, they just prefer smaller crowds, familiar faces and shorter interaction times. And they need more alone downtime to reenergize after a lot of people interaction, so don’t expect them to be upbeat when they are feeling drained.
Don’t take it personally. Introverts don’t need to talk about everything, and they may not understand that others need to verbalize constantly. They are perfectly content to sit in the meeting and listen, but they may grow weary of constant chatter. Just because they don’t keep up with the verbalizing does not mean they don’t care or they are not interested.
Listen. If you think that introverts don’t like to talk or don’t have strong opinions, you couldn’t be more wrong. When it comes to the topics that interest them, introverts can be very talkative and passionate. They may speak more slowly or be more thoughtful in their delivery, so give them a chance to share their viewpoint and listen to it.
Be considerate. The energy of introverts is literally being sucked out of them when there is constant and intense engagement and discussion. Such settings may drain them to the point where introverts might actually feel physically sick. So, if your introverted friend or colleague is reluctant to go out or join the group activities, don’t push them; they may need their downtime and know that it is important to them at that moment. The definition of “fun” is not the same for everyone.